"That's So Sad..."

As I start this story, let me say, Laiken is a good kid. She is creative and conscientious and kind and respectful. Having said that, often, she is not organized and her personal belongings frequently end up being everywhere except where they are supposed to be. The disorganization finally caught up with her.

Over lunch today, my friends and I had just been bragging to each other about how we did not have to stay on our kids about their schoolwork. We were so happy that they took responsibility for getting their homework done and being such good students. Just by having this conversation, I think I jinxed Laiken.

She got in the car today and I knew immediately that something was wrong. I looked in the rearview mirror and asked, "How was your day?" She immediately started sobbing and said, "Horrible! I got a color change." My stomach started hurting. I don't think Laiken ever has gotten her color changed before and I was afraid to even ask what had happened. I didn't have to wonder long as the story spilled out of her between crying and nose sniffling. Apparently, she had been looking over her homework in the gym before school started and somewhere between the gym and the classroom, she lost her homework papers. Not turning in your homework equals lost recess and a color change. A color change means that you forfeit your beloved leader badge for at least 10 days. A lost leader badge means that you don't get to sit at the lunch table with all your best girlfriends and chat and laugh for the duration of the lunch period.

My heart broke for her. She deserved a color change and she will never forget the lesson--her homework will probably never get lost between the gym and the classroom again! But, it is so hard to see your child that sad. On top of being sad for her, I was disappointed and, yes, a little angry because I have told her SO many times to do a better job keeping up with her stuff. On the tip of my tongue was a great, impassioned lecture about how her disorganization had finally caught up to her, about how I wished she could pay attention and make sure that she had all of her stuff, about how many times had we talked about this. But, just as soon as I was going to get on my soapbox, I caught a glimpse of her tear-stained, puffy-eyed face in the mirror and knew there was nothing I could say that would make more of an impact than what getting her color changed had already made.

I thought about what I had just re-learned in Love and Logic and, with all the empathy I could muster, just said, "That's so sad. I know you are really going to miss sitting with your friends for the next 10 days." Then, I shut my mouth and, wow, was that hard to do! She started reading her book and we headed to the library and by dinner she was ready for me to share some stories about how I managed to get in trouble at school when I was her age. She laughed and said, "You definitely would have lost your leader badge!"